Saturday, June 7

oh deer


As any good resident of Pennsylvania will admit, the state is rich in deer. I used to see them in our neighborhood, on the roads on my way to school, and even grazing on the islands in the middle of the highway. Almost everyone in my family has hit a deer with their car or, as Jenn and I experienced, been hit by a deer (but the heated controversy of that experience continues to this day). But suffice it to say... deer are about as common in PA as intoxicated Eagles fans.

In fact, I found this in an article about the concern about the deer population in PA:
"The deer problem has reached crisis levels, they say. The state's deer population numbered about one million after the hunt in 2003, compared with 600,000 in 1985... Pennsylvania is considered to have one of the nation's most severe problems, said
Robert J. Warren, professor of wildlife ecology and management at the University of Georgia, who saw an early draft of the report. 'I think it can safely be said that Pennsylvania has had probably the longest record of a problem of overabundance of deer in natural forest habitat,' he said."

So with all this mind, please know that when we're driving up the canyon and Doug or a friend points and says, "Hey! A deer!" It takes everything I have within me to mutter, "Oh, huh." When really I want to point the other direction and say, "Oh look! Another tree!"

I don't want to stop the car and look at it. I don't want to take pictures of it. I don't want to see how close I can get to it. In fact, I want to get away from it as quick as I can before it runs full speed into our car.

Now don't get me wrong--I don't want to kill it. I mean, I cried along with everyone else when Bambi's mother died. I realize it's a beautiful creature and it's the ever-increasing population of humans that forces us to cross paths. But I just don't want to act mystified in its presence. They eat our gardens and their suicide missions wreck our cars, and their charm has wore off.

So let it be known, world, from henceforth and forever I'm not going to fake interest anymore! The sham is over!! I'm done living a lie and I'm ready to be myself. So while you're pulling over and wishing you could hug it, I just may be looking the other direction and calling it a rat. And that's that.

12 comments:

janaya said...

i just laughed out loud at this post and then had to read it to burton and laugh again. "wishing you could hug it..." hahaha. hilarious.

whitney said...

jackie you kill me. i have to admit, i don't totally love deer either... it always cracks me up how ALL the shafers get totally excited whenever they see a deer, like deer are such rare wonders. however, i don't think i dislike them with the same vehemence as you. you have a really good excuse, though. :)

The Mortensen's said...

Haaaaaaaaaa! You are so funny my "deer"! Do you remember the herd of 18 that lived in our backyard in Alamosa? We LOATHED them! They poop all over, eat all your favorite flowers and stare at you through windows in the middle of the night and make you pee your pants! Our neighbors used to shoot them with paintballs to keep them out of the garden!!! I used to laugh when I would see a deer with a huge purple SPLAT on the side. Good times if you aske me!

Don't be ashamed...be proud! The people in Alamosa have a yearly deer hunt at the golf course to "thin" the herds. So white trash!

Emy said...

Brenden was in his car on 800 North in Orem at a dead stop when a buck ran into the street and charged into the side of his car, breaking through his driver-side window.

I think they're evil. I'm just glad the deer in PA are lots smaller than the deer in UT. Ugh.

The Barnos said...

You're a crack up. Be rest assured my father-in-law is doing his part in hunting the deer in PA annually...and then trying to make us eat them in pasta, burgers, etc. YUCK.
Here's a deep thought for you:
Do people in Australia hate kangaroos the way we hate deer?

the meyersons said...

It was drunk on fermented apples from the ground.

Mom said...

That's my girl! We love nature and all, but deer are in a class by themselves. Remember when Diane Olson and I were traveling along Hwy. 413 and could smell an awful smell, and low and behold the truck in front of us was full of deer carcasses that tangled with cars and lost. A whole, smelly truck full. What a job that would be. You'd REALLY have to hate deer to work that job. Maybe when you move you could do that.........

Lindy said...

Jack instead of being so impatient with the deer population, you should just be glad they are centaurs. I know how they frighten you so. I called in a favor to keep them at bay, but if you'd rather see the centaurs and not the deer that can be arranged too. I hope one doesn't chase you home from seminary...

AnnaYoung said...

Hahahahaha! A) they're a heck of a lot cuter than rats and B) maybe they keep running into cars because they're not all that bright. I mean, not to be too offfensive, but look how many kids he peole on cops and other white trash folks have. . . maybe not so bright creatures can only do one thing poperly--procreate. I'm just sayin'

And yes, the people in Australia hate kangaroos withthe same vehamence. They're considered a pest there too.

Tiffany said...

I confess to be a mesmerized deer fanatic when a deer is in sight...

Jackie said...

And I can respect that, Tiff. Just don't hate me for turning heartless! :)

Just for the record, I still totally love rabbits and other forest friends.

Jackie said...

I just remembered that when my mom sees a deer about to cross a road she'll often yell, "Why don't you teach your children?!"