Thursday, October 25

motherhood

Humor is a communication tool for me. Obviously, it's what I use when I want to make people laugh or cheer someone up. But I also use it when I'm trying to cope with nerves, impress someone, or simply fill an awkward silence. Trying to be funny leads to a lot of "crash and burn" moments, because a) not everyone thinks you're funny and b) sometimes people don't realize you're trying to be funny. But it's still my go-to method of speaking of people.

The other day at the grocery store the cashier asked me how my day was going. I looked over at my two girls, noisily showing their boredom as they sat in the grocery cart. I then looked back at the cashier and said, "Oh, pretty good. Just running errands and caring for these two. You know, just living the dream." The end was said super sarcastically. It wasn't sincere at all, but I just meant to make him laugh and think, "Oh, she laughs about motherhood. Isn't she witty."

But he took it as, "I hate my life." He said something comforting and serious about being a parent, and when I asked about his day he said it hadn't been anything special but it'd been a fantastic day. We chit chatted a bit more while we wrapped up the transaction, but my mind was racing. I felt almost sick to my stomach as I walked out the store, because I'd given him the impression that I didn't love being a mom. As I drove away, I thought about running back to him, grabbing him by the shirt, and screaming in his face, "I ABUSE THE ART OF SARCASM! I LOVE MY LIFE! I LOVE BEING A MOM! I'M SERIOUSLY LIVING MY DREAM AND IT ROCKS!"

Instead I just drove down Cornelius Pass and felt weirdness. I've since thought about how much I really do love being a mother to my sweet little girls. They can be stinky and difficult and unpredictable, but I feel so friggin' lucky that I get to be home with them all day. There are parts of my pre-baby life that I miss--spontaneaity, flexibility, independence, showering without interruption. But really, I wake up excited to see their chubby cheeks. I love how I start my day with Grace kicking like a crazy lady as I walk into her room. And I love that as I open Addy's door she says things like, "I woke up! Wow, it's a wonderful day, Mom! I dreamed about dinosaurs AGAIN!" And even as the day goes on and potty training sucks and somebody doesn't nap enough and excrement is my constant companion, I still feel spoiled that I get to be with my babies right now. They're beautiful and precious and an absolute joy.

And I wish I communicated that more often. Saying motherhood is awesome isn't exactly a "funny" thing to say, and it's hard for me to be serious sometimes (especially to a 20-something guy at the grocery store). But I hope at least the people that still read this blog know that as much as I complain and laugh about my life as a mom, it's exactly what I signed up for. And more. 

And I'm pretty much over-the-moon because of it.


6 comments:

The Fox Family said...

aww! I heart you and I heart this post! I have been feeling the same way. I just want to shout from the rooftops how wonderful Motherhood is and be an advocate for it but it's not an easy conversational topic! I hope people can just watch me and SEE that I love it!

Richard Sedwick said...

great post, jackie! I never think of you being negative, for what it's worth.

Karisa and John said...

Oh, I'm glad you cleared that up Jackie. I was really worried about you.

(There's MY attempt at sarcasm!)

I remember Chelsey and Kevin said they wanted to be billboard parents-- they wanted to make parenting look so fun and exciting, that it would be like an advertisement for other people. They try to really sell parenting. That idea really stuck with me, and now John and I try to make parenting look cool too. (And I think you and Doug could also get on a parenting billboard.) Your girls are so lucky to have you!

Jessie said...

I loved this Jackie. You're a really talented writer. So far for me motherhood is the hardest thing ever and yet the best thing. And it's hard to explain that sometimes. You did it beautifully.

heather said...

LOVE!! Thanks for sharing!

melissa said...

Your words totally hit home. Even made me shed a tear! Being a mom is definitely awesome and hard. We are so lucky!!!!