The other day at the grocery store the cashier asked me how my day was going. I looked over at my two girls, noisily showing their boredom as they sat in the grocery cart. I then looked back at the cashier and said, "Oh, pretty good. Just running errands and caring for these two. You know, just living the dream." The end was said super sarcastically. It wasn't sincere at all, but I just meant to make him laugh and think, "Oh, she laughs about motherhood. Isn't she witty."
But he took it as, "I hate my life." He said something comforting and serious about being a parent, and when I asked about his day he said it hadn't been anything special but it'd been a fantastic day. We chit chatted a bit more while we wrapped up the transaction, but my mind was racing. I felt almost sick to my stomach as I walked out the store, because I'd given him the impression that I didn't love being a mom. As I drove away, I thought about running back to him, grabbing him by the shirt, and screaming in his face, "I ABUSE THE ART OF SARCASM! I LOVE MY LIFE! I LOVE BEING A MOM! I'M SERIOUSLY LIVING MY DREAM AND IT ROCKS!"
Instead I just drove down Cornelius Pass and felt weirdness. I've since thought about how much I really do love being a mother to my sweet little girls. They can be stinky and difficult and unpredictable, but I feel so friggin' lucky that I get to be home with them all day. There are parts of my pre-baby life that I miss--spontaneaity, flexibility, independence, showering without interruption. But really, I wake up excited to see their chubby cheeks. I love how I start my day with Grace kicking like a crazy lady as I walk into her room. And I love that as I open Addy's door she says things like, "I woke up! Wow, it's a wonderful day, Mom! I dreamed about dinosaurs AGAIN!" And even as the day goes on and potty training sucks and somebody doesn't nap enough and excrement is my constant companion, I still feel spoiled that I get to be with my babies right now. They're beautiful and precious and an absolute joy.
And I wish I communicated that more often. Saying motherhood is awesome isn't exactly a "funny" thing to say, and it's hard for me to be serious sometimes (especially to a 20-something guy at the grocery store). But I hope at least the people that still read this blog know that as much as I complain and laugh about my life as a mom, it's exactly what I signed up for. And more.
And I'm pretty much over-the-moon because of it.