I'll be the first to admit I'm no movie expert. I enjoy movies, I own several, and my husband can quote any/every movie he's ever seen, but I still don't think I'm qualified to be, say, a movie critic. But if there's ever been a time when I felt I could do it, it was the other night whilst we watched one of the worst movies of my mortal existence:"The Day After Tomorrow"
Perhaps many of you have endured the same movie and you could have warned us about it, but alas it came out when Doug and I were on our missions so we were uninformed. I think it's really truly safe to say it's a terrible movie. The special effects were pretty cool, but I'm pretty sure a fifth grader wrote the script. And this was no Doogie Howser genius fifth grader--this was a cheesy, inconsistent one. But I have to admit I learned a thing or two while watching the movie, so please allow me to share with you a list I will call
"What I learned from 'The Day After Tomorrow'"
1. Bilbo Baggins has actually been in other movies.
2. The NYC public library is the best place to go in the case of emergencies. Be prepared to burn books.
3. You can sneak political messages into movies really easily, just like in "Happy Feet."
4. I hate it when they do it, though.
5. If the earth ever starts to freeze over, you better watch out for wolves. The ones from the Central Park Zoo are the WORST.
6. The main girl from Phantom of the Opera will NOT break out into song during the movie, even though you tell Doug she will again and again.
7. Random Russian ships that float into the city will not have any dead frozen bodies on it, but it will have penicillin. And wolves.
8. All Scottish people do is drink Scotch and watch soccer. And track storms while doing other said activities.
9. You will be able to find a lot of spare winter clothing in the NYC public library. In fact, there will be enough for hundreds of people to gear up.
9. Dennis Quaid is always right. He saw the storm coming, and we didn't listen.
10. News reporters in LA will stand right in front of a tornado again and again for a good story.
11. If you get caught "fooling around" and we haven't known you for long in the movie, you're going to be killed by a tornado.
12. Mexico will NOT open it's borders for us when the United States freezes until we say we're sorry and forgive all immigrant debt.
13. All Vice Presidents are idiots.
14. You can sustain a group of people on a few bags of Doritos for DAYS. You can also sustain a dog on M&Ms.
15. The homeless man was also right.
16. The ice in Antarctica will break RIGHT through Dennis Quaid's camp even though it's the only thing in the area for hundreds of miles.
17. If you tell a girl you joined a club to be closer to her, she will immediately start making out with you.
18. Storms and waves of water move really slowly when a main character is running, but really fast when just normal dumb people are running.
19. People fly in helicopters around tornados in California and stay alive long enough to see the Hollywood sign disappear. Then they die.
20. You can predict every scene of a bad movie, except for the girl getting her leg amputated and breaking into song. There you will be wrong.
12 comments:
yikes-thanks for the warning!
Wow Jack. I know I should ahve warned you because I too lost those hours of my life to said movie. Then again, if I had warned you, I wouldn't have had that list to read and remember why I shouldn't watch it again.
ahahaha. i love this post. you SHOULD be a movie critique just cause you're so funny. BUT even though that movie lost 20 points for being really really lame, it gained them all back for jake gyllenhaal being really really hot. mmmm. just kidding... no it didn't... but yes he is.
movie critic... not the actual critique itself. i'm not sure how that would work exactly.
penicillin and wolves. my thoughts exactly. can we please file this movie under comedy in blockbuster? thankyou.
Early early early in our courtship, Shane and I rented The Day After Tomorrow. And we got so bored we decided to do some first-time-cuddling instead.
So, you could say, The Day After Tomorrow was directly responsible for our marriage.
So thank you, Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal, thank you for making a movie so awful it forced me to cuddle with my future husband for entertainment. Thank you for that.
I recall renting it in Provo with TYler. . . and I remeber it being pretty lame, but I guess it was so bad I blocked most of it out.
Try watching Wimbeldon trapped on a plane in the window seat--THAT"S tourture!
jackie, I am so offended. this is my all time FAVORITE movie. If you didn't HATE the environment so much you would appreciate it too.
oh, and happy feet is totally true too...you should never listen to stupid old penguins named Moses.
(don't you like how they trick us into watching it under the premise that it is a kids movie??)
Jack--I would feel exceptionally bad for you (I've seen the movie and it's awful), but until you've sat through Bicenntenial Man in the theater on Thanksgiving you just can't appreciate how terrible a movie can be. That and Iron Giant.
you are one hilarious girl - these are great!
I thought I was the only one that had been trapped on a plane showing Wimbledon! Glad to know someone else has had the experience.
As for Day After Tomorrow, was anyone else expecting Al Gore to show up at the end and say "What you've just seen is a dramatization, but Global Warming is real! blah blah blah..."??? Definitely one of the worst movies ever, I agree.
I totally agree with you! Troy and I watched this movie together and laughed until we cried. One thing you forgot though...Only unimportant characters fall through the glass roofs of malls. Very important survival note. Did you know that the Discovery Channel did a special about all the crap in that movie? It was awesome (and much more informative for survival than the movie itself)!
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