Friday, August 22

non-smoking is a matter of perspective


Oh new apartment, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways.
We love thee for thy dishwasher and weird yet handy trash compactor.
Our souls rejoice in thy excessive amount of storage space,
ridiculous number of closets, and spacious rooms.
We love thee freely because utilities seem free because
they are at a blessed fixed rate
We love thee purely, for thy extra bedroom, washer/dryer, new carpet, and
friendly neighbors that have a little boy that shouts at construction workers.
But, oh dear apartment, claimer of non-smoking standards,
must you freaking REEK of cigarette smoke so much that we sit
in church on Sunday (feeling pious) and realize
both our shirts smell like we're recovering chain smokers?
Our love was close to perfection, apartment, so so close...

...oh, and if you could work on the spider thing too that would be great. Thanks.

9 comments:

Lindy said...

Jack I'm sorry to say that I can relate completely. Wait until your pregnant and have a bloodhound's nose. You'll be making Dougie buy you candles, air freshener, laundry detergent with a strong scent and then some without because that smell makes you sick, and wondering why every single time you get out of the shower the plush CLEAN towel that you want to dry off with smells like an ashtray. But look on the bright side--this will probably help you hold fast to the word of wisdom.

Kim & Devin said...

You are too funny. Maybe you will become the ward projects as people might feel that you need an "extra push" then you can benefit from a little love and service...

the Allers said...

I think everyone would be more comfortable if you would admit to your chain-smoking habit.

And a note to Jones and all pregnant women. Just wear a face mask - like doctors do. Sure you look like you have Sars - but at least your not throwing up in public....

AnnaYoung said...

I am not above leaving my widows open year round to air out foul smells. Be it 115 degree Phoenix summer or -12 Utah winter. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Call me crazy but I do'nt like that French-esq Perfum covered eau de BO (or ciggarette smoke, in yoru case).

PS. PELASE walk into church one sunday with a hacking cough so they'll think you've got emphazima. The disease itself is not funny, but the miscommunication would be a riot, no?

Suzanne said...

You have fixed utilities. The cigarette stench is just the universe's way of evening things out a little.

Time to bust out the paintbrush and the Kilz primer. That stuff would cover up a murder scene...

The Miles Family said...

Your apartment really smells like smoke? What's up with that? I didn't notice it when we were over the other night. I loved reading your blog. It was very entertaining! You are hilarious! We love our new friends! :D

janaya said...

do we have the same apartment? :)

KaSs said...

Oh man! That's awful I'm so sorry! I don't think i could bare that! Glad plug ins should be your new best friend and be weary of lighting candles, it might set the whole place on fire.... Sorry Jackie, So close, but no cigar... well maybe a cigar....

heather said...

yuck! I totally know how you feel! That was the same way with our first apartment. We tried to get better air filters and whatnot - but it didn't really work. And then our next door neighbor moved, and the new one smoked a ton! Needless to say, we eventually had to move. Sadness! Hopefully you guys can figure something out!! Good luck!